(The England Rugby team traipse back in after a 25-20 loss in Paris. Stuart Lancaster walks up the tunnel flanked by coaches Graham Rowntree and Andy Farrell)

Lancaster: Guys…? What the… ?

Rowntree: …

Farrell: … The, er…

(Pause)

Lancaster: I …

Rowntree: I know boss…

Cipriani: (bouncing passed them, a smile on his face) That any good Stu? (He bounds into the changing room ahead of them)

Lancaster: I’m not taking him. (Pause) He calls me Stu.

(The trio have now come to a standstill, a few yards from the changing rooms. They stand looking at each other, arms folded, as players pour passed them.)

Farrell: Pitch were terrible.

Rowntree: Is there anyone we can talk to about that?

(At that point Phillipe Saint Andre passes them)

PSA: Je suis désolé, Monsieur. (kisses Lancaster on both cheeks, a brief pause as he looks at Rowntree and Farrell as if to do the same, but decides against it)

Lancaster: Phillipe, that pitch was shocking.

PSA: I know, I know, we were not ‘appy eizer. But it was a good game. Well played, mon amis, well played! (PSA heads into his changing room smiling)

Rowntree: What’s the French for knob?

Lancaster: (sighs heavily) I…

Farrell: (to an oncoming Mike Brown) Outstanding today Michael. (Shakes him by the hand as he passes. Brown grimaces a smile at the other two before heading into the changing room)

Lancaster: He’s coming. Going. Whichever way round it is. (pause) I mean, he’s in my World Cup squad.

Rowntree: We need 30 more.

Lancaster: Yes thank you Graham. I do know that.

(Lancaster exits into the changing room. After a beat, Rowntree follows him, leaving Farrell on his own, deep in thought)

Farrell: (calling after them) Brad Barritt? (He exits)

(Lights out)

Sam Roberts © 2015. (Text only). All Rights Reserved.